I am NOT Uchiha!
by Ikasury
Summary: -Same Universe as 'Who You Callin' Hyuuga'- With Uchiha Madara thrashing the Kages, spouting his holy cause and generally being a smug-jerk, one member of Kumo hears about his appearance in the War and has a few things to tell her Ancient Ancestor... primarily along the lines of breaking bones, burning flesh, kicking ass and taking names... WE ARE 'NOT' UCHIHA!


**A/N:** Hello peeps, first things first, this is in the same continuum as 'Who You Callin' Hyuuga?', and for those of you that aren't willing to read at the very least the first chapter of that, in this 'verse' Hinata was successfully kidnapped by Kumo, given the name 'Tenkyuu Yorihi' and raised by various people there and altered the destinies of the various OCs from that story...

one of them is 'Gakushin Reki' whom, if anyone reads this and 'hasn't' read WYCH will get spoiled on why she's made of awesome... -cough- i mean... yea... plus its my feeling that 'in cannon' she probably would have died without Yorihi's appearence, like most of the OCs i made for that story... so with her alive, this is what you get! :D

Primarily this is just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone, and since i'm working on the next chap of WYCH i felt like getting this out of my system since the current manga is just p-ssing me off... Alright Kishimoto, you want to give all Uchihas magical plot-shields, Hax and more powers then a swiss army knife? i can counter that... meet my literal 'Uchiha Bastard'... and Boy does she NOT like her sire's clan...

-sits back with popcorn-

**Dis:** Kishimoto, this is for you you rich bastard that owns Naruto, the Kages and Uchiha Madara, i own Reki and all 'other people' you don't know...

ENJOY!

* * *

Crazy don't crack it…

_"The day I die is a long way from here, in a bed when I'm too old, weak and decrepit to take care of myself. I'll pass away quietly on this side, but the moment I set foot on the other side Death will be there, waiting to start yelling at me about why the hell it took so damn long…"_

_xXx_

"Gakushin-san," a member of the communications squad stumbled his way up the small ridge where a woman with long black hair stood observing the war going on below. The courier came up behind her, breathing hard with his hands on his knees, "Report on new developments of enemy movements!"

The black haired woman grunted, "Reki or Taichou, don't call me 'Gakushin-san' it makes me sound old," the woman turned to the hunched courier with her flat red and black eyes. The man paled a moment, staring into those eyes, eyes that were _supposed_ to only belong to the enemy. Well, technically this woman 'was' an enemy since he was from Iwa and unlike the others in the 'Shinobi Alliance' still proudly wore her Kumo Hitea-ate around her neck. Reki gave him a tight, almost bored looking if it weren't scary thanks to the sharingan frown, "What? I'm only 46…"

The courier just gave her a perfect 'WTF?!' look.

Sharingan eyes rolled as she turned fully to the man, revealing the giant Tessen with chain she had between her hands, the 'frown' still on her face, "You wanted to _tell_ me something?"

"U-uh," the man gulped, shakily handing her a note which she took with ease and started skimming, "Latest news has it that Uchiha Madara has made his appearance…"

Her frown deepened, "What the hell," the woman crushed the piece of paper and tossed it behind her and started descending the hill, "I thought Madara was that masked psycho… now this?"

The courier could only fumble with a nod as he turned to follow her a step behind, "Y-yes, that was the assumption, but an Edo Tensei version of him has appeared, the Kage have engaged…"

At that Reki stopped, her frown deepening, "Its times like this I wish I had a cigarette…" she said flatly, glancing at the man, her sharingan causing him to flinch as it looked like it was starting to shift, "Tell whoever's left here to take charge, and send word to the Kage they better find something better to do," the black haired captain turned away, but not before the courier caught the growing sadistic grin on her face, "I've got a dear ancestor to talk to…"

xXx

Uchiha Madara stood atop his Susano'o with his petulant flat stare, highly unimpressed with those this generation called 'the greatest'. The tall man with his long unruly hair and ancient armor just crossed his arms, Rinnegan just starting, "This is disappointing…"

The Kage grunted, growled, did whatever they could to stand and be defiant in the face of the ancient warrior. It really just made them look like squirming worms to him. The ancient Uchiha just shook his head.

"This is all this generation has to offer?" unpreceptible from the Kages' vantage his eyes narrowed, "I fought the Shodai for **_days_**, we completely reshaped the environment," he turned his head and looked around at the so _little_ damage wrought in this fight, "_This_ is all you are capable of?" again his eyes narrowed, disappointed at the struggling Kage, "I expected more," his eyes took in Tsunade, "Especially from you, so pathetic you are nothing close to your grandfather," he ignored the woman's glare and fury moving to the next on his 'list', "And Oonoki, you were a child in my day, but your old age has deteriorated your abilities," the familiar Uchiha smug-grin came to the ancients face, "Or were you never that much to begin with?" he watched them flail, anger rising, clouding their actions, and he shouldn't have found it so amusing, but…

His Rinnegan eyes turned to the other three Kage, all children to him, all more pathetic, "As for the rest of you-"

Whatever Uchiha Madara was about to say was lost to the wind as out of nowhere something large and sharp cut through his neck and sent his head flying just the smallest bit, his Rinnegan going wide for only a moment in what was either 'surprise' or 'amusement' was anyone's guess. As the Kage down below blinked, trying to register what just happened, something slammed into the ancient Uchiha's back and sent it off the shoulder of the giant Susano'o, it took a second to register what was happening but soon enough it was easy to see someone was standing on the ancient Uchiha's body and seemed to be ridding it the various feet down until it slammed hard enough to cause a creator and kick up a cloud of dust. With its master currently 'incapacitated' the Susano'o roared and fell over in the opposite direction, seemingly confused without direct command, course everyone was hopping it'd just disappear but nothing ever went as one would normally assume when it came to Uchiha.

As the dust settled the Kage got a good look at the person that had just Dynamic Entry: Decapitation styled the most ancient of Uchiha.

It was a woman, relatively older though nothing about her said she was incapable, and after that display no one would ever say so. She had straw sandals she was happily cramming into the decapitated flaky body's back, with black male kimono pants revealing nothing underneath as her left hip bore a black tribal tattoo that matched one on her right shoulder, tied off with white rope, and a triangular over-the-right-shoulder vest over a gunmetal sleeveless shirt. Her Kumo Hitae-ate hung proudly around her neck and her long black bangs obscured her face but they all knew what was there, she and her 'bastard clan' had been all too proud to show off Kumo's long kept secret. There was a vicious grin on her face as she brought up the giant closed folding fan and slammed it down on the neck that was trying to reform of her Edo Tensei ancestor, the action revealing her red and black eyes, only this time the other Kage were shocked to see it wasn't the 'normal' Mitsudomoe, but a conjunction of four small circles in a triangle pattern, surrounded by a triangle surrounded by a circle-like pattern divided in three with smaller circles in each section.

"Tch," Reki kicked the twitching body, "Why do these sonsabitchs always have to go on long rants?" her red and black eyes raised to look at the Kage, "Sorry to interrupt, but I have some… _things_ to discuss with this jerk," she pulled her fan out of ground by the ring only to slam it into the body again in a move that _would_ normally break someone's spine.

None of the Kage flinched, just watching, though both the Raikage and Hokage were frowning, but for different reasons.

"The Mangekyou?" Tsunade turned angry amber eyes on the large dark skinned oni of a man, "You not only have Uchiha, but you have the MANGEKYOU TOO!"

The next thing the blonde woman knew there was a giant fan crashing into the ground at her feet, it was a warning shot and everyone knew it.

"Reki," the Raikage said lowly in a threatening voice, but all the leaders of the villages turned on the woman only to see her Mangekyou Sharingan glaring narrowly at the blonde.

"I. am. **_NOT_**. Uchiha!" the black haired woman growled, pulling the chain to withdraw her fan…

"Could have fooled me," everyone turned around to see the ancient Uchiha Madara standing with his arms crossed and face placid as if he hadn't just been decapitated and body surfed over a hundred feet.

No one present looked particularly surprised. Reki just glared at the dead man as the body under her feet crumbled into dirt revealing an earth substitute.

The man crossed his arms and tilted his head, Rinnegan eyes solely on his apparent progeny, "Did you honestly think that would work?"

"No," the woman drew out her giant fan, cracked her neck as her Mangekyou eyes never left her ancestor, "Not that it didn't feel good curb-stomping your body and cutting off your head," the wide grin she gave was something so twisted and cruel the other Kage were surprised, since they'd only seen the woman as fiery and generally good natured. How little they knew Gakushin Reki.

"Hn," the elder Uchiha scoffed, rolling his shoulder, "I'll give you I was surprised," a minute frown formed on his lips as his eyes narrowed a fraction that if it weren't for Reki's bastard eyes she wouldn't have caught, "that someone of my blood would be so ignorant to attack in such a brutish manner…"

Reki's sadistic grin spread, "so glad to disappoint…"

The Kage behind the bastard shifted, ready to attack.

Both sharingan users just glared at them flatly with mimicking frowns, "Get lost." "Fuck off!" they said in unison.

"Reki!" the Raikage yelled, angry that his own subordinate would tell him to go 'Fuck off!', not to mention being brushed aside like the rest of the Kage by the ancient Uchiha.

The black haired woman turned back to the man in red armor, "Sorry, Raikage-sama, but its me and him from here on out…"

"You can't fight him by yourself!" oddly, it was the Mizukage that voiced this, she was all for powerful konoichi showing up ninja, but this wasn't a moment for anyone's pride.

"The Mizukage's right," the Kazekage spoke calmly, "We need to contain and seal him…"

"Forget that," the Tsuchikage grumbled, "Girl's nuts, five Kage have a hard time with him and she thinks she can compare to **_Him_**…"

"She has something we don't," Tsunade, the Hokage frowned, she hated to admit it, but the woman in front of them had more of a chance than them for one single reason, "She has the Mangekyou Sharingan," the medic grit her teeth, hating to learn another village had something that was supposed to be theirs but it gave them an opportunity, "She has a better chance of following his movements and taking him head-on without having to worry about his eye techniques like we do," the blonde turned to the larger Raikage with a mild glare, "If we use her to fight him first, we can observe, wait for an appropriate moment to seal him…"

The Raikage only frowned, "She won't accept that," he looked at the black haired woman in front of him, the former T&I captain and the woman that taught Kemui a number of things, even Yorihi had learned from her. As a teacher and a torture expert she retained a calmness that was scary, but in combat sanity was one of the first things to go, "Go all out Reki, when you die it's up to us, understand!"

Reki waved her hand back lazily, "You know me Raikage-sama,"her grin spread as Madara looked at her with the closest thing he probably had to curiosity, "I never die…"

The large behemoth of a man only gave a curt nod before disappearing. The other four Kage looked confused a moment before following the man, Tsunade was the last. She stood a moment glaring at Madara before glaring at 'Reki's' back, "He won't die, you will and I won't be able to stop to help you…"

Again the woman gave a lackadaisical shrug, "like I said, Hokage-sama," a Mangekyou eye stared at the blonde over her shoulder, "I never die," she turned back to Madara, "Go worry about healing people…"

Tsunade only frowned at the foolish woman but left from the immediate area all the same, if Madara was 'distracted' by this woman it gave the Kage time to plan, prepare, and regain their strength.

"That was droll," the ancient undead said flatly.

"Eh," Reki gave another 'I don't care' shrug.

Madara's Rinnegan zeroed on the woman, he was having a hard time accepting she was one of his blood, with her attitude and seeming bi-polar boredom, "I am only letting them leave because I'm curious what an Uchiha of this generation can do?"

"Like I said to the Hokage," Reki closed her eyes as she drew a cigarette and lighter, putting it to her lips and setting it on fire, "I'm **_NOT_** an Uchiha," her eyes narrowly glared at the man in front of her as she stashed her lighter, "Aside from one particularly annoying pain in the ass, those fuckers are all dead…"

"Hn," oddly Madara stared at the cigarette, to think one of his descendants would have such a debilitating habit, "Suppose so," then his Rinnegan returned to her Mangekyou, "But that doesn't change the fact you have the Mangekyou…" his eyes narrowed, taking in every detail of the design of her eyes, "an overly complex one as well… who did you kill to gain that power?"

Reki just stared at the man flatly, "Mangekyou? That's what this fucking thing's called?" the ancient Uchiha just nodded, mildly irritated at her ignorance, she shrugged again like she didn't care, "I didn't _kill_ anyone for power, you sick fuck, sure, I killed my lover of the time but it wasn't to _gain_ these," she pointed at her eyes with her cigarette holding hand.

Madara's Rinnegan narrowed, "Lover?" if he were a normal person, and not a zombie of ultimate 'evil', he'd look more confused, "that's only one kill, and that should only explain a _normal_ Mangekyou," he pointed at her, a swift motion she didn't even flinch at, "Yours is too complex, it _must_ be an Eternal Mangekyou!"

Reki just stared flatly, hand halfway to her mouth with her cigarette, "Eternal Mangekyou? Are you people fucking kidding me?" a black brow rose on her forehead, "There's **_another_** version of this thing!"

Again that should-be-confused look came over Madara. How could someone so ignorant of the secrets of their blood just **_stumble_** upon ultimate power and **_NOT_** know it?! The woman's only saving grace at this moment, and one thing that didn't _completely_ tip him over the edge was the fact that she hadn't enhanced her Mangekyou into the Rinnegan. Thank whatever hellish god was out there! "Are you serious?"

Black brow still raised and obvious 'are you stupid' pout on her lips.

Rinnegan stared flatly, "I was the first Uchiha to attain the Eternal Mangekyou by replacing my eyes with my brother's…"

Reki's red and black eyes widened just the slightest, before she slammed her fan into the ground and glared murder at the man, "You **_took_** your _brother's __**EYES?!**_" Madara gave a curt nod like it was nothing serious. Reki growled, "all to enhance **_your POWER?!_**"

Rinnegan narrowed, "Of course."

Cigarette in mouth, fan in the ground, Reki's fist went into her other hand and she cracked her knuckles, "What the **_fuck_** is wrong with you fuckers?"

Madara tensed, his heightened ninja-senses telling him she was about to unleash all hell, "You had to have killed someone closely related and taken their eyes to gain the Eternal Mangekyou," his fists clinched, rage at this woman's ignorance cracking his calm veneer, "Had to suffer the loss of those bonds to gain **_that_** power!" it almost looked like Madara's jaw clinched, "so do not act like you are above me for what I did for my own power!"

"I never did anything for power," the black haired woman said disturbingly calm, "I murdered my lover, over and over and over, hundreds of times before I completely broke his mind then killed him for real with my bare hands in the bloodiest most excruciating way I could think of," her hand reached out, "I stood by and watched the woman whom I saw as a daughter kill the second man I loved in cold blood and held his corpse in my arms as I watched all light disappear from his eyes," her hand reached the giant fan and grabbed it, "and only what felt like moments later when she returned I watched the woman she was die before my eyes," Reki raised her head, her Mangekyou spinning slowly, "I watched the void envelope her, as I have seen a thousand times before in a thousand different people I personally tortured into insanity before killing them," her hand pulled the fan out of the ground with a loud groan from the metal, "I've broken every bone in this body, destroyed every muscle, and snapped every sinew," her eyes were fierce and spinning faster, "survived situations anyone else would have died by sheer force of will," her lips curled back in a fierce snarl, "So do **_NOT_** lecture **_ME_** about suffering!"

In an instant the giant closed fan rocketed and obliterated the wall where Madara was standing.

The ancient Uchiha was already in the air, forming seals at blinding speed before ending in a tiger seal, pulling his head back only to jut forward and spew out a blazing inferno, "_Katon: Gouka Mekkyaku_!"

Reki frowned a moment, before running through her own set of seals, breathing in deep and expelling an unseemly large air bullet, "_Futon: Chou-Daitoppa!"_

For a second Madara thought his progeny was either stupid or insane for throwing an air element attack at a fire attack. Then the two forces met and he realized she was indeed part of the latter. His _Great Fireball Anahillation_ met with the _Ultra-Great Breakthrough_ and instead of blowing through it while gaining power from the wind, exploded in the air between them, blowing him further into the air with mild burns and blocking his view of anything on the ground.

Something large and fast burst through the cloud a fiery chaos and Madara merely willed himself to the side to dodge it. Then he noticed the chain that continued to pass him. His curiosity was piqued only for a moment as he glanced back and noticed the closed folding fan, only for it to open a moment later and a reverse tug to come on the chain. Two and two quickly met to make four in Madara's mind as he turned to grab the fan, only to find his hand sliced through as the edges of the thing were actually metal blades. The side of the fan cut into his armor and came about half way to dicsecting him before the force, fan and gravity just dragged him towards the ground at a disturbingly his speed…

…then he remembered there was a giant cloud of fiery death right below him…

Tapping into the Shodai's wood ability Madara thrust his hand out and willed wood to grow at ungodly speed to intercept him or consume the fire. Unfortunately his own fire was ungodly powerful, not infinite burn like Amaterasu's black flames, but still beyond comprehension compared to _normal_ Katon techniques. And what he was seriously starting to assume was a bastard of his blood had added _wind_ to that hellish blaze halting it in the air but making it stronger. This realization came to the ancient Uchiha the moment black-burnt wood shot out of the flames like charred skeletal hands to catch him…

… only to crumble completely as he hit and give the damn _bladed_ fan a reason to cut that much deeper…

The look on Madara's face as he crashed through the blazing inferno was priceless…

The added look of Reki holding her arm out to clothesline him as her fan cut him fully in half from the force just made it that much better…

Upper half went flying forward with lower half flying pass the woman didn't so much as deserve a glance, as she was already turning around, grabbing her fan with her hand opposite her chain holding hand by the ring and glared at the Uchiha's 'real' body as his dissected-self crumbled again into earth.

Madara didn't bother with words, as he leaned back and shot forth another gargantuan level flame attack.

Reki frowned, using the momentum she'd already gained by turning around and backhanding her fan with an added push of chaka and whipping up a maelstrom that ignited the flames between them again.

The ancient Uchiha had to admit, even to himself in the fraction of a second as he slammed his hands on the ground creating a massive wooden barrier that quickly burned to dust, that the fact that the woman could **_deflect_** his flames with _WIND_ was not only highly unlikely but quite impressive.

Again the closed fan came crashing through his 'ash' wall like a giant flail. He dodged, only for a chain came at him in lightning speed, which if it weren't for his Rinnegan he'd have completely missed.

… of course this only set him up to be stuck between the two as Reki came down from above with roar and her right hand cocked and seemingly _ON __**FIRE!**_ As she crashed down, causing a creator that was burning and melted at its core…

As Reki pulled her fist out of the melted ground and stood on sizzling earth that destroyed her sandals like they were nothing and singed the bottom of her pants, she glared up in the direction of Madara.

The ancient Uchiha was staring. The woman was standing on burning earth, barefoot, and her right hand was red like a hot-poker and all she did was give him that same glare she'd been giving the whole damn time. Against his infinitesimal will, his visible black brow rose slightly, "Hn."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, "Oh don't look so surprised…" she said snarkily despite the seriousness of the look on her face, "Thought you Uchihas were all about 'feel the burn'."

Infinitesimal narrowing of Rinnegan eyes, "Uchiha control fire, not bathe in it…"

Reki's demented grin returned, "how sane of you…" she cocked her left hand and drew the chain, dislodging her massive folding fan and drawing it to herself, dropping the chain at the last moment to grab the thing by the ring at its bottom. She slammed the thing closed and shoved it into the ground standing up, since the earth had already cooled, although Madara had already noticed the thing didn't melt despite the intense heat of his fire. Then to just add insult to injury, the black haired bastard just leaned on the thing, using her now not-glowing-hand to removed her cigarette and blow out smoke through her nose.

Madara stared.

Reki cocked a black brow, "What?"

An inpecably small frown tugged at the edges of the ancient Uchiha's lips…

Then he was gone, shot forward with his gloved fist coming into contact with the broad side of the closed fan…

Reki was grinning evilly, blowing smoke into his face, only it was full of chakra and burned as it came into contact with his face.

Madara's fist came up to wipe the burning ash off his face, only then did he notice the woman had backed off…

… Then the ash exploded, on his face!

Landing on her feet and not bothering to enjoy the little gimmick, Reki replaced her cigarette, and ran through a series of seals, slamming her hands on the ground. All the ash in the area, and there was a damn lot of it thanks to Madara's summoning wood to protect himself only for it to burn into, guess what **_ash_**, gathered towards her as she pressed her chakra into the substance, giving it form and life. Her Mangekyou spun with a light twinkle, as she grinned, "_Taisaku_ _Kaibun-Ryu!_"

And the _epic_ cinder dragon roared, charging at the ancient Uchiha.

A black glove wiped off his face again, the parchment like flaking of his Edo Tensei body reforming itself quickly enough… only to hear that ground breaking roar. His Rinnegan flashed open in time to see a massive, sky covering, cloud of _living ash_ charge at him, consuming his vision in the form of a dragon. Ghostly ash jaws clamped around him, consuming him as it continued its charging path, sending him down its throat. The more disturbing part was that the inside wasn't _'ash'_ per say, or at least not like the external ash, it was **_burning_** inside! White hot and cherry glow in the center, so dense it couldn't be seen from the outside and the pressure kept high on the inside to perpetuate the burning cinders…

His gloves, armor and hair quickly caught fire simply from the presence, while the undulating of the dragon's insides sought to crush him in the burning ash. No Uchiha had considered the _ash_ and _cinders_ of the flames they employed to be so… dangerous. –_This bastard…_- he didn't want to think it, didn't want to give the idea life as he gathered the chakra within his undying body and that of the stolen cells of Hashirama, but it slipped out anyway with a petulant smirk as he slammed his hands together, "… Genius."

Reki watched as the cinder dragon flew high into the sky, winding in on itself and preparing to detonate…

…only for burning wood to explode forth from the inside like some twisted star…

Mangekyou eyes widened as her dragon gave a dying cry, losing shape and crumbling…

Then she glared, slamming her hands into another seal, the fucker just added to her arsenal…

…everything exploded in an uncanny inferno of white flames, grey ash, and burnt trees…

…in the middle of the sky…

xXx

Out in the other battlefields some distance away, several heads turned at the explosion, and those of the newly named 'Gakushin' clan of bastards just _knew_ that had to be their 'leader'…

xXx

As the fires died down in the sky, Madara, in flaky burning armor and reforming body, spied his adversary on the ground as he began his free fall. His Rinnegan glared at her, wanting to see the shock on her face that he was _still_ alive…

… she was crouching on one knee, glaring up at him with her Mangekyou, with her hands clasped together in front of her…

Part of Madara wanted to think it was her praying for Kami to save her from his wrath, that had fucking **_hurt_**, immortal body or not! But one look at her eyes and he knew that wasn't it…

A shadow prevailed over the ancient Uchiha. Looking over his bare shoulder he saw what it was and just had to stare…

A massive… **_MASSIVE!_** Thick ball of ash blocked out the sun and was coming after him like an insane swarm…

He'd dealt with the young Kazekage's sand, Oonoki's Dust element, the Mizukage's lava and mist releases, and the destructive combined taijutsu and nintaijutsu of the Hokage and Raikage…

Somehow the collective ball of floating **_death_** just hovering in the air that was spindling off and **_chasing_** him down to the ground was just…

He didn't even know…

But a grin spread across his face, **_THIS_** was what he had expected from Kage!

Madara's hands rushed together as his eyes stayed on the ball of swarming death as it rushed after him. His hands slammed into the final seal and his ungloved and bare arm thrust out at the approaching ash. Out of his arm wood expanded and whole trees, hell a vine-like forest threw itself as a distraction… his other hand extended to the ground, which he turned towards, caught the skeptical look on the woman on the ground, and performed a series of one-handed seals.

The ground under Reki's feet shook, but she held her seal. She couldn't see her attack thanks to the asshole's arm of trees, but she could feel it with her chakra. With her eyes she caught the look on the psychotic Uchiha's face, he was grinning, that was just scary…

Then the ground around her exploded into a forest… it **_EXPLODED _**into a **_FOREST!_**

Okay, she'd give him that, that was just all sorts of fucked up massive map-changing shenanigans…

"Fuck," releasing her seal, she grabbed her fan as the ground underneath her turned into a twisting tree that seemed intent on crushing her. Hopping from one rapidly growing branch to another she strapped the fan to her back and drew back all of her chain, she did **_not_** need to get caught in this madness…

Once she made it to what was conceivably a 'top' of a tree, at the moment, she looked around to get her bearings, the cavern they'd been fighting in was now a bloody forest… it was a **_bloody FOREST!_** Reki's head spun from one side to the other, taking in the massive scale of a technique she'd never thought possible with her Mangekyou, "By the Rikudou-Sannin!"

Her moment of being stunned was abruptly shattered as she turned just in time to get a fist in the face and sent flying across the sea of trees only to fall below the canopy and seemingly hitting every bough on the way down.

"Don't get so distracted from something so small!" Madara shouted in standard Uchiha-smug-asshatery. He landed on the top of the canopy, the 'small' forest he'd summoned dropping behind him, crashing and crushing the boughs behind him and then the ash from the woman's technique rained down upon the entire area creating a grey haze…

Reki pushed herself up off the floor, wiping the blood from her lip. She knew if she weren't herself that entire half of her face would be broken. Her blazing Mangekyou looked around, everything was grey and she could see all the particles of ash in the air. Her 'super' technique had crumbled, blanketing the area in dust apparently. That would halt the growth of a _real_ forest, this much ash in the air contaminating everything, she coughed up something from her lungs and spit it out, again wiping her mouth as she stood up, "Good thing I'm a smoker," a smirk rose on her lips, this was nothing new.

"I WILL FIND YOU!" Madara shouted from the tallest tree in his man-made forest.

Reki rolled her eyes; she had no intention of 'hiding'. Her hands slammed together and ran through seals, this forest was in her way, "_Katon Futon: Choudai Kaisen!_" and her mouth bulged with white fire licking out until she couldn't contain it anymore, breathing out a shockwave of flames and wind, feeding each other and spreading all around. She held the technique and spun, breathing out white flames in three hundred and sixty degrees, leveling the forest and turning it to ash almost as quickly as it had risen.

Madara actually _felt_ the heat before he saw the light in the hazy distance. The closer it came the brighter it got and quickly the updraft from the heat blew through the trees as it approached. And the sound, a raging inferno, he knew that sound, the cacophony of trees cracking, bending, even the wisp of the air catching fire from the heat and all the water in the area evaporating. It was music to his ears! Added to the orchestra he was familiar with was the flicks of the ash in the air catching fire and burning everything it touched before the white fires consumed it. Then he saw it, the wall of white fire building as it burned through his forest. For a moment he wondered if this is what his rival Hashirama felt like as he did the exact same thing…

The ancient Uchiha glared at the approaching wall of flames, his right hand grasping as it missed the familiar feel of his Gunbai Uchiwa, wishing to use it the same way that woman had been using her own fan. –_For not claiming to be an Uchiha, she still uses a fan to fight… even if it's a Tessen instead of an Uchiwa_- Madara put his hands together, then concentrated, he had wanted to keep this fight on the level he assumed this woman to be, but without Gunbai the situation seemed to call for it. Staring out as the flames came closer he threw out his hands, channeling the Preta path of the Rinnegan to absorb the attack…

… and like everything the woman seemed to throw at him, conventional means of countering just didn't work out as planned…

As Madara reached out and the flames came within contact of him, and he started absorbing it, the white flames licked around his hands that consumed them, burning the edges and spreading further until his hands were charred. Then of course, by compressing the flames to absorb them in such a small tight space, it **_EXPLODED!_**

Surrounded by red-hot-melted-ground and black ash Reki watched as her flames ate through the forest like some ravenous animal. Then one side exploded, and she grinned at the sound. –_I found you…_- she thought as she turned, watching as the wall collapsed on that side, coming down like a wave of white flames and washing over the area beyond as the explosion pooled and extinguished the flames in the central area before what was left continued to eat what was left.

The black haired woman ran off in that direction, running across lava-like ground barefoot as if it didn't bother her at all, since she knew jumping on any of the black ash trees would just result in them crumbling and her dropping on her ass again. A second and one or two good jumps and she found the grounded form of Madara's body, trying desperately to reconstitute itself. His hands were black, and not from his gloves, but if they were flesh they'd have to be amputated. His body was sizzling as it lay on one of the few 'darker' patches of molten ground, and the paper like shreads were flaking off and seemed to be irritated at the constant repair going on.

Reki just stared at him, no emotion on her face but contempt.

Madara's Rinnegan opened and saw her standing in the blazing field like nothing was wrong and just glaring at him with that same look. For whatever reason he started laughing…

… then exploded into a mountain of flames.

If Uchiha Madara was any other evil mad genius he'd be laughing right now. As it was he stood, looking over the precipice of one of the ledges of the cavern they'd been fighting in, arms crossed and Rinnegan just watching as his Fire Clone exploded, whoever said you couldn't improve the Exploding Clone technique? This woman seemed apt at making the smallest things explode, and as the old saying went, fight fire with fire. He held out one of his hands, everything had rematerialized as the Edo Tensei insured, but his hands were still numb. The feel of them burning all the way down to the bone, along with the flames all-consuming around him, it was not something he desired to feel again if at all possible.

After flexing his hand a moment he used both to form several seals and tapped into the water half of Hashirama's wood release, "_Soiton: Mizurappa!_" taking a deep breath the Uchiha expelled a cascade of water, nowhere near as much as he could create with fire, but it was enough to rain over a large portion of the molten ground, causing it to solidify and rapidly cool, resulting in massive amounts of steam that clouded the area. Jumping down Madara made his way in the general direction of where the explosion happened, not caring for the cracked earth or the rising steam.

Out of nowhere in the mist a chain came out…

He halted, backhanding the chain and waiting for the next attack, he wasn't even going to let his mind consider how the woman survived.

… the heavily weighted and sharp closed fan slammed into his side outside his periphery and sent him toppling…

After a roll and a slide, Madara caught himself, Rinnegan going from side to side trying to make out any forms in the mist. It was too thick, too cloudy, his eyes couldn't pierce through…

On pure instinct he dodge as the 'flail' came down and smashed next to him again…

Against his will his eyes narrowed, the woman's attacks were too accurate, how was she finding him in this blindness?

In his moment of thought something snaked around his hand and he had only a chance to glance at the metal before he was quickly dragged, pulled into the air and tossed, round and round until finally slamming hard onto the ground in a small creator. Disoriented the ancient Uchiha had only a moment to realize the glowing in the mist was drawing near as he threw up a hand…

… The skeletal form of Susano'o formed just in time as Reki slammed down with a burning fist forcing him further into the ground and cracked his ethereal armor!

**_That_** caught the ancient Uchiha's attention.

Then the woman crouched on Susano'o _as if she was holding __**on!**_ And drew back her other hand, it glowing with burning fury as she brought it down with godlike force and **_broke THROUGH_** SUSANO'O!Rinnegan eyes were _slightly_ wide as her flaming hand grabbed the cuff of his collar and _TOSS __**HIM**__ OUT OF __**SUSANO'O!**_

The woman quickly followed her prey, letting the burning skeleton fall back into the ground, arm held out as if crying for help as it faded to dust.

Madara flew over the mist, still blinking as this had never happened before, as a chain shot out of it, wrapped around his foot and dragged him back towards the swirling clouds.

… only for the woman holding said chain by the ring of her giant fan to meet him halfway with a double kick of fiery fury, cracking his armor and sending flaking paper like substance all around…

They fell, him being below as she continued to kicking him further and further, setting his armor on fire while doing so and didn't stop when he smashed into another sizeable creator on the ground.

When the dust finally settled, mist having blown away from the furious attack, and the kicking of flaming fury stopped, Madara opened his eyes only to see the woman holding her folded fan up, point down and her Mangekyou burning…

Rinnegan eyes widened a fraction…

… and Reki brought her weapon down, and for the second time that day she decapitated the ancient Uchiha.

…

..

.

The first thing the woman registered was the feel of her hands on her weapon, the left holding the ring while the right held the side that was cutting her hand. Her feet stood on a papery material that seemed to wiggle. Then she felt the tremble, starting in her hands and spreading throughout her entire body.

Then her body remembered what it felt like to breathe, as her first breath in consciousness was a deep gasp followed by more gulping breathes as the trembling continued.

Her body forgot what it meant to sweat and everything felt too dry as she breathed deeply.

Her muscles burned and chilled.

The smell of dirt, ash, steam and other forms of fire lingered and permeated the air.

She leaned forward on her weapon as her eyes burned, too dry to form tears.

Slowly her breathing came under control as she stepped off the wriggling paper-like body. Standing somewhat straighter as she jerked her weapon out of the hole it'd dug, the familiar groan of metal as it protested. On the other side was what looked like more paper and a part of her was hoping to see a gaping head…

She took a step back, controlling her breathing and her senses but kept her eyes on the sonvabitch's body. He wasn't dead, but that sure as hell felt good…

Without thinking her legs collapsed and she was forced into a sitting position, her giant fan leaning on her, but her eyes stayed glued to the paper of the man's head, just waiting…

Slowly it reformed, as if trying to figure out what pieces went where, or maybe the chakra holding him together was actually starting to weaken. Soon enough Uchiha Madara's head reformed and his re-gloved hand rose up in his laying position and cracked his neck. After taking a moment to stare at the clearing sky his head turned to the woman sitting not a foot from him just staring.

Rinnegan met Mangekyou.

"What the hell are you?" the ancient Uchiha asked flatly.

"Tch," Reki moved her fan to sit across her lap, "A bastard, nothing more…"

That imperceptible narrowing of his Rinnegan, "You haven't used Susano'o, yet that flaming fist attack of yours almost feels similar…"

"The fuck I'd want a giant puppet?" if she wasn't so paranoid and hateful to the man, she'd roll her eyes, but seeing as that was impossible, Reki just glared more, "and why should I tell you?" her glare became flat, "You have no idea or respect for the teachings or ideology of Kumo…"

Madara stared flatter, "Humor me," when she continued to be silent he broke their staring contest, pushing his body up and sitting in front of her same as she was, taking in everything about this woman that both was and wasn't like an Uchiha, "You've unlocked different means to attain what took my whole life to capture, now you seem to have developed along another separate path," his gloved fists tightened, "Tell me!"

The black haired and tan woman crossed her arms, eyes never faltering from his own gaze, "Again, why should I? I hate you, your clan, and everything you represent," pure anger clouded her features as her Mangekyou began to spin, "You believe power is all and it is fine to use whatever means to take it, all you do is destroy and conquer, there is no care or protection in any of your movements or actions."

Again his eyes narrowed just the slightest, "Continue?"

Reki's red and black eyes became slits, he was mocking her and she wanted nothing more than to burn him to ash, but if was occupied with 'curiosity' then it gave her an opportunity, "Konoha's ideology is summed up in their _holy_ phrase 'Will of Fire'," she noticed his mouth twitch down the slightest, did he disagree? "Kumo's ideology can be described as 'Words rule Power'."

Black brow rose on the ancient male.

Again Reki wished to roll her eyes, but instead clinched her jaw, " 'Words form ideas, ideas control the brain, the brain controls the body and the body can rule the world', there is no greater power then a single word."

"Are you people that backwards?" Madara crossed his arms, "And what the hell does this have to do with your… ability?"

"Think about it," Reki's glare intensified, "Your 'Will of Fire' causes you to only push forward, to go out and destroy, because that is all fire does," she waved her hand in a gesture but neither moved their eyes from the other, "Our 'Words rule Power' teaches us control, first ourselves then the world, why do you think so many Kumo-nin are such physical powerhouses? Especially with our Raikage, whose proficiency is nintaijutsu?"

The ancient Uchiha considered the man's Lightning Armor, "Perhaps," he stared, trying to find some weakness of fallacy in her words, "that still doesn't explain your fiery abilities…"

Reki's jaw clinched tighter, "If you can't figure it out on your own you don't deserve to know, dead or not," with that she removed her giant fan and used it to hoist herself up, tired of gracing the jerk with speech. She looked down at him one more time, trying to figure out what was the most insulting way she could walk away before continuing the fight, "Where you and your thirst for power brought you a giant puppet with disgusting amounts of power named Susano'o that you had to sacrifice your humanity for," something about the look of her eyes softened and it itched Madara the wrong way, "I sought nothing but a means to continue, I serve my home, my people, my leader and my family," she lifted the heavy metal fan and hung it over her shoulder by the ring, "My loyalty is without question, despite my actions and what I've done I've retained my honor, I regret nothing," she noticed Madara's left hand twitch, "For all that, my determination, skill and lack of fear I have been granted what I call Karna."

"Karna?" Madara's hand twitched again, "There is some _other_ form our eyes can take? Is that why your eyes are so complex?"

Reki just sighed, "You completely missed the point," her head shook, as she stared at him again, "You're a genius, figure it out," when he ruffled, as slight as anything he did, she grinned, "I'll give you a hint, you'll never kill me…"

That imperceptible frown, "You will die when this is over, as long as Edo Tensei is active this body will continue to rebuild itself…"

The black haired woman reached into her pocket and brought out a cigarette and her lighter again, "And I'll just kill you over and over and over again until either it sticks, you go insane from the constant pain, or I suppose _they_," she nodded in the direction they both knew the Kages were watching from, "Decide it's time to step in and seal you…" she put the cigarette in her mouth and lit it, "But as for your first part," her eyes looked down at him passively again, that 'softness' he couldn't identify, "You won't kill me…"

"Watch me," it came out before he even considered the thought.

Again she just stared passively with her Mangekyou, "The day I die is a long way from here, in a bed when I'm too old, weak and decrepit to take care of myself," she took a drag from her cigarette before removing it and breathing out slowly, "I'll pass away quietly on this side, but the moment I set foot on the other side Death will be there, waiting to start yelling at me about why the hell it took so damn long…"

Rinnegan eyes glared hard…

… and the next moment Madara was in inch from her face with a kunai held at her neck, "I will kill you…"

Again Reki continued to stare passively, before blowing out smoke from her nose causing Madara to step back reflexively because of what happened last time, "And like I said, the day I die is a long way from here…"

And quickly she slammed her hands together…

… and before Madara could so much as glance he was encased in an orb of ash, packed so tightly he couldn't move and just like the dragon the center of it was a blazing white inferno.

"I said you won't," the woman stood there, eyes remaining on the sphere, holding it together and continuously crushing and burning the body of one of the most ancient of Uchiha.

Five presences appeared immediately but the black haired woman didn't turn to them.

"Is it really him in there?" Tsunade was the first to ask, skeptical with how many times the man pulled off substitutes and all other manner of bullshit saving means.

"Mm," Reki didn't move staring at the orb of compact ash.

"Impressive," Gaara said, standing next to the woman, "It's even more compact then my sand…"

"Hn," the black haired woman snorted, "Ash is smaller than sand and sticks to itself and everything else, unlike sand, and when compressed creates heat, so really its cinders and the part where his body is over a thousand degrees…"

They all blinked, stared in surprise.

Reki paid them no mind, "Raikage-sama, get in contact with my 'kin', I need more people to ensure we bury this sonvabitch…"

"Good thing they're already here," the large man raised one hand and out from the edges of the field nearly fifty people of various ages jumped down surrounding their 'leader' and the cinder prison she was maintaining.

"Figures," Part of Reki's mouth twitched up in a smirk, "Alright, listen up the lot of you, those of you Uchiha bastards, I need anyone that's managed to awaken the second form of these eyes, the 'Mangekyou' as its apparently called," she snorted, "Though honestly I'd call it a pinwheel or something…"

"How do we know if we have it?" a woman younger than Reki with auburn hair, a second generation asked.

The woman frowned, trying not to break her concentration, "The Sharingan changes, it feels like they're on fire the first time and only appears after witnessing the death of someone you care deeply for…" she clinched her teeth, she could feel Madara pushing from the inside, despite the continuous burning and reforming of his body he was still resisting, "I don't care who, just hurry up and help with this prison!"

Eight people stepped forward, each with a different version of Mangekyou, a few of the older ones wearing glasses they quickly removed. They split in groups of two and formed five points with Reki being the head. She could feel the moment they applied the power of their own Mangekyou to hers and the pressure of Madara dropped considerably on herself.

"Kaa-san," without looking Reki felt her son Jun take a position next to her, immediately she felt the pressure lessen again, "I will help as well…"

"Jun," she said with a tremble in her voice, "I never wanted this curse for you…"

The young man in his early twenties with brown hair and normally his eyes were black just like his mothers, but now they revealed his own variant of the Mangekyou, with a central three point triangular pattern similar to his mother's but with far more black and less circles. He had a small frown on his face, he knew his mother's fear, for everyone here, those that lived in Kumo and were always on the lookout for some _sign_ they may be like the man that sired them all. The fear of being anything like the power hungry people that were the Uchiha.

"I was afraid to tell you," was all he said.

And it was all he had to say, Reki nodded, accepting he understood what this meant, same as the other eight gave her similar looks. They knew as well, they were cursed with eyes that were proof of some heart wrenching tragedy in their lives, something that would break lesser people and was the root of what was wrong with the people they weren't.

"We will hold him here," Reki wanted to look out at the rest of them, lead them like she should have, like she felt she needed to as the eldest of the 'bastards', "The rest of you, help where you can, and do whatever it takes to stop the rest of these zombies…"

"HAI!" the rest of the 'clan' gave a nod and many leapt off towards new targets.

Mei stayed behind a moment and looked upon her Mother and Brother, her own Sharingan active and imprinting the designs on their eyes into her mind. Jun had confided in her with what happened to him that caused his eyes to change and it had been such a tragic story, now she knew her mother was the same along with the others. A part of her was afraid to ask, to _ever_ ask, but she shook her head, ridding herself of the thoughts before smiling at them, "Do your best, Nii-chan, Kaa-chan, the rest of you!" and she too was off to help somewhere else in the war.

"Heh," Oonoki grunted, "Quite the touching scene, kid, got any great '_orders_' for us?"

The eldest of the 'bastards' could only smirk but still she refused to look away from her task, "Yea, end this technique so I can go home, my shoulder is killing me old man…"

The Tsuchikage laughed, "I could always encase that orb in dust element if ya want?"

"Tch," the black haired woman snorted, "Like I'd trust _that_ to work…"

"Kaa-san," her son reprimanded next to her, garnering chuckles from the other Mangekyou users.

Tsunade just shook her head, rubbing the spot between her eyes where she could feel a headache forming, "I can't believe you hid this…" honey eyes glared at the back of the Raikage, "Really, ten Mangekyou users, almost fifty Uchiha-"

"WE'RE **_NOT_** UCHIHA!"

All five Kage twitched at the loud yell from nine of the Magekyou users; apparently Reki was tired of saying it over and over again.

"Hokage," the Raikage spoke crisply while watching his people, "It was one of **_your_** Uchiha that betrayed **_you_** and then violated **_my_** people," he brought his hands behind his back, trying to calm his tone before he started yelling, "If anything **_you_** should apologize to their mothers for allowing such insane people to exist…"

"Here here," Reki said bluntly followed by agreements from the three other first generation bastards.

Tsunade bit her lip, keeping her own temper in check, "The Sharingan is supposed to belong to the Uchiha, who are ours, yes…"

"Tell that to Kakashi, or Ao from Kiri, or hell even Yorihi," the black haired woman shrugged, "We're ninja, we steal each other's tools all the time, its just that one of your boys went about 'handing his over' differently," she snorted, "Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't Uchiha bastards in Kiri, Iwa, Suna or any other villages for that matter, ever seen one of them try to steal your precious 'Last Uchiha'?"

Terumi Mei and Oonoki fidgeted while Gaara looked as passive as normal. Then he shrugged.

"I didn't even know about these ones or this version of the Sharingan until today," the Raikage said bluntly.

Tsunade's hand met face.

"Seriously though, someone go end the fucking Edo Tensei before I drop," Reki fidgeted, "I really need a drink of water…"

* * *

Chou-dai –double great(Ultra), Taisaku – epic, Kaibun –cinder(ash), Kaisei - Force of Flames

Gakushin Reki - Learn by being Run Over

* * *

**A/N:** yes, i just did that, i solved Uchiha Madara with his clans' bastards... you want HAX! i will give you ANTI-HAX! MUHAHAHAHA... -coughs-

primarily this was just my sounding bored for pointing out what i think is wrong with Uchihas, yes, i just wrote an entire fight sequence just to bash Uchihas... yep, i did that...

as for Reki's variant of what i like to describe as an 'internal' Susano'o, Karna, for those of you that are truly curious pay attention to what Reki says about the key ideology of Kumo (which i made up with lots of inference into the characteristics of the people we see) they seek to control themselves before controlling the world, so Karna is effectively an internalized version of Susano'o that she 'created' without realizing it was keyed into her 'special eyes', she basically has the physical prowess, chakra capacity, etc. etc. of Susano'o with Karna active, but primarily the invulnerability...

for those that don't know, Karna was a Bastard of the sun god Surya and an unwed 'princess' of hindu mythology, who was born with a set of armor and earrings, and so long as he wore them he was invincible. The guy was such an interesting character, since he suffered most of his life and the only way his opponent, the 'Hero' of the epic, defeated him was by him have various curses put on him, several divine interventions, and having his armor and earrings removed... yet despite all this he was still an honorable man and exceptional warrior, even for a 'bad' guy... seemed appropriate...

that's your daily dose of Mythos...

as for the attacks, most of them are legit, thank you Narutopedia, and i know it sounds stupid 'Great-Great', but Chou and Dai are primarily translated to that, and honestly it fits Reki's personality to call something stupid like that XD as for Reki's skills, made up like all hell, but her best attacks she doesn't even name so... meh...

I hope those of you that read have enjoyed my moment of... uh... 'insanity'? analyzation? etc. etc.

again, this is an 'aside' for 'Who You Callin' Hyuuga?' and i may never use this scene in that story, why i felt like making it seperate... not to mention the time skip from where WYCH is right now o.O;;

as for the first 'title', that's what i originally called this, in my collection of other 'asides' from the same universe... i may post them if i feel like it...

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


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